Hello, hello, and welcome to the Blame Game, the show that does to the news what a painting by Michael Stone does to art. ... Yes, we have more laughs than Keith Gillespie has betting dockets. ... I'm Tim McGarry, and our thoroughbred panelists are, of course, Colin Murphy, Jake O'Kane and Neil Delamere....
And, our special guest tonight is a Mouth from the South. No, it's not C__ McDavid. We could actually afford to hire C__. We just couldn't afford to hire his wife to do his research as well. ... So, we've gone for a top-class comedian. He has been described as an iridescent ball of sheer energy. He's been on RTE for Republic of Telly. Please welcome, __ very funny, Mr. Bernard O'Shea.
And, ladies and gentlemen, we are very excited because David Cameron is in town, and, yes, I'm sure Davy is watching. Welcome, Davy, whether he / or / spend the night with our politicians. I know which one I'd choose. ... Uh, Davy, by the way, he doesn't really connect with people in Northern Ireland because we think he's a bit too posh. David has denied being posh. Well, he didn't deny it. He got his butler to do it for him. / David __ over here to tell our politicians to finally make some decisions. Our politicians aren't good at making decisions. Trying to get our politicians to make decisions is like trying to spot a Northern Ireland footballer in the premier league. ... It's like trying to get Gerry Adams to answer a straight question. It's like trying to sell a house in Twaddell Avenue. ... "Is it quiet at night?" "Have another look of the kitchen." ...
Anyway, on with the show, ladies and gentlemen, the audience ask the questions and our panel provide some very unreliable answers. So, what questions have we got from you, audience, tonight? Our first question tonight is, Who do you blame for the taxi drivers' protest at City Hall? ... Taxi drivers' protest? Really? ... Will the fares go up from twelve pound fifty. ... Who do you blame for creating Tim McGarry? / create, like, he's not a six-million-dollar man. ... You have the technology to rebuild him. / is that what / bank robber / 24 million to rebuild, "No no no no no / It's Roberta G__ / address as well. Thanks, Roberta, I appreciate that. ...
Who do you blame for unwanted tourists? ... Yes, indeed, ladies and gentlemen, the number of medical cards in Northern Ireland exceeds the total population by 80,000, raising questions about whether our health service is being abused by so-called "health tourists" coming from the Republic. Southerners, coming here ... Southerners coming up here to avail of our health service. ... God, how awful must their health system be? ... Bet it's even worse than one run by Edward P__. Uh, can I just say to our friends in the South: Look, if you want to rejoin the United Kingdom, just ask. I'm sure it can be arranged.
(Source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/blame blame_20131012-1235a.mp3, 00:39 - 04:13)